It's Easter Sunday, a day of celebrating new beginnings. In the past six weeks I have lost my mother and severed all contact with my ex; two huge endings. I am a teacher so I have had the past week off in which I have fallen into a virtually comatose state. I could not decide whether I was depressed, simply recovering from the trauma of these two events, or whether the depression and recovery were the same thing. But today this question reverberates in my mind: what now? Where do I go from here? I have to rebuild a life that looks exactly the same but is based on an entirely different foundation. Because here is what losing these two people taught me: no one else can make me happy. No one else can give me that feeling of completion; its all up to me.
So I started with this; I made a list of goals for each area of my life (because the internet told me that was the first step to getting my life under control.) Then I preceded to tell my two teenage children that while I was providing the internet services and devices that fueled their lives they were going to have to get their acts together and start doing homework. I simultaneously started spring cleaning. And so now, in an effort to bring more harmony into my life, my whole house is in chaos. My girl child is sitting at the table brooding over a project that was already supposed to be turned in while suffering from withdrawal from her texting habit. My boy child has discovered in the process of cleaning his room his drum set that I pay for every month but is never used. Things are strewn every where around the house while I decide where they should go. It does not seem like an auspicious beginning. I suppose this is one of those moments when I have to pull from deep inside of me and "put on my big girl panties" as they say.
Here's to new beginnings.
