You never know where an adventure is going to take you. Sometimes it doesn't end in the "happily ever after" that you expected. For the past four years I've been in love with a man who is more fighter than lover. We have broken up and gotten back together countless times. I have cried buckets of tears over this man. I have loved him with a depth I did not know was possible. And I have hated myself for loving him. But, in a way that probably every woman can relate to, I kept believing he would come to be the man I thought lay inside. The kind, gentle, smart man who loves opera and the blues. And slowly, painfully I have come to understand that he is simply not able to be that man. He wants to be that man for me. But being that man requires something; courage, determination, something that he doesn't have. I am not angry about this. Just so very sad. I still love him, but I have come to love me more. I have come to believe that I am worthy of love and kindness. I have come to the place where I would rather be alone than be with someone I can trust. So I asked him to leave yesterday.
I am terrified, I am joyous. Time to turn my attention to a different relationship; one with myself. And what adventures we will have!
No comments:
Post a Comment